I Used To Be An Athiest

Life had gone pretty well, there were the normal ups and downs like trying to decide on a major of study, the hardship of college, then finding a job. My second job as an electrical engineer had me working with a guy named Keith. We were assigned a job together and the first day in the lab we were getting aquainted and he asked me, "Are you a Christian?" I said yes. He said, "I’m an atheist and there is something about me you should know, I am also an evangelist." "Tell me more," I said puzzled. "You guys try to convert us into you guys, but I try to convert Christians into Atheism - I consider it my moral duty," Keith explained.

Over a period of a month, Keith challenged my beliefs. He brought convincing evidence against the reality of God. He took a sledge hammer and relentlessly knocked against my understanding and faith in God. He was very good at bringing contradictory evidence against the reality of God. He’d say things like, how can there be a God that allows so much suffering. I prayed to God when my Mom was suffering of parkinson's and He didn’t heal her. He’d turn the table towards the Bible. How can this be the Word of God? He’d bring evidence that would turn any rational person away from the Bible.

Each drive home I would think and pray, trying to make sense of things. Over time I could tell I was loosing the battle. I was slipping. I no longer had easy quick answers.

Then one day I was empty and the only thing left was to conclude that there was no God. So, I went there and didn't believe in God anymore. Then I thought, wow this will change quite a bit. What will I tell Patti? I’d come home and she’d ask me how my day was. I’d say oh not bad, you’d never guess what happened to me today, I became an atheist today!

I didn’t feel right. But there I was an atheist. I thought well I could live like this and reject God. But then what? What would the purpose of life be? Then the thought came to me, what if I just accepted God without evidence and if I was wrong in the end then at least I lived a good life. That didn’t seem honest. But I thought at least I’d be a good person. I sat with that idea for a bit. But then a word came to me. Faith. What is faith? It’s accepting, believing even at enormous odds that it doesn’t make sense now or may not ever.

I just sat there. Then for some reason I prayed, "Jesus, I’m not sure you are real or if the Bible are your words, but I am going to accept it anyways. I’m going to live how the Bible wants me to live. I will have faith in you. I am going to reject the small arguments against you and accept your great size and power and that you are bigger than my questions." With that prayer began the slow climb back into faith.

I was an atheist for about 40 minutes.