he has left the building

Matt has left the nest. Welcome back anytime yes, but this is the big first of leaving - off to college. I waved good-bye and when the car was out of site, I went to my room and wept. Not a surprise that I would feel this deep saying good-bye to my oldest. Right now, I can identify a few thoughts and feelings that bring on the strong emotions.

One of the them is pure fear. This summer there have been four deaths of teenagers in our small community. Drowning, stabbing, gun shot etc. The worst fear of any adult is to loose their children prematurely. For the families that lost theirs they are going through the most difficult thing a parent can go through. Matt is away from our home now, and will be making his own choices. I can't protect him anymore. He is on his own.

Another feeling is loss. He is now gone. We raise these kids. We feed them, cloth them, correct them, enjoy them, educate them, beg them to clean their rooms, sow into their lives and have the immense joy of seeing them become the person God intends then we wave good-bye. Wow, it's harsh to say good-bye.

Then there is thankfulness that we got him this far. Before we had kids, Patti and I talked long and hard about the type of home we want to bring kids into. We wanted a home where independence was learned, there is freedom to become their own person - yet appropriate guidance and consequences when defiance crept in. We wanted a home where our children would grow up watching two adults in love with each other and God. Where we risked, trusted God and did our best to live out our faith. We wanted our faith to be contagious. And for them to know God and respect him. And for Matt we see how our attempts at creating this home has positively affected him. He is a spirit filled man, a person of independence and understands consequences. I am thankful for the mission to guide and fill his life for 18 years.

The car was filled to the roof with his stuff. Guitars, keyboard, amp, patch cords, computer equipment, clothes, and his blankets. All the stuff that helps him be him. He has a wicked sense of creativity. His canvas has been many mediums - drawing, painting, poetry, photography, typography, philosophy, but his main expression is music and poetry. Thus the three guitars, midi keyboard and laptop stuffed with Reason. He wants to make music. More music.

So, may God give him courage, anointing, and blessing as he pursues his life's calling. As he sits under the teaching of others, may God shape his soul.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Grad 2008

It seems like just yesterday that I graduated from high school (grad 82!) and now my oldest son, Matthew, graduated last week.

Here are some photos.

Pond Hockey

James has never been in that cold of weather. It was minus 15 and he didn't notice. That is what pond hockey does to you. The smile on his face was so constant that it could have been frozen in place. He got 4 goals, one of them a one timer. He hasn't stopped talking about those 3 hours on a frozen pond with 15 other warm hearted people. Don't get me started about how well our team started to gel. Those passes from Dorthy were tape to tape. Stan was seemed to always be in the right place and Levi was relentless on the forecheck.

If the lake had good ice that year, we would be there every weekend putting on our skates and playing till it would get dark. "The Lake" is where I learned to play. It didn't matter if the skates were 5 sizes to big, or the toes were cold, or the ice was bumpy and covered with snow, it was pure fun. More fun that xbox, wii, ds, psp, or Halo III.

Pond hockey is about the only thing I miss about cold winters. But I do miss it. All ages play together. The older enjoy seeing the younger ones succeed. The younger still have a shot at the NHL, the older know better. Where else do 3 to 60 year olds play together in the same game and no one keeps score? Cookies and hot chocolate just taste better after pond hockey. Everyone smiles and great memories are created.

I wish there were more things that brought all ages of people and families together like pond hockey does.

First Things First, Not Today

I'm sitting here at my desk. To my left is a pile of mail I should pay attention to. My starbucks coffee mug is to my right, filled with coffee to get me through the energy lows of the today. Underneath my hands is a 4 year old powerbook G4, 15" screen. I'm still in love with it. It tells me I have 82 new emails. The biggest object in the room is my planner, and it's also to my right, symbolically near the coffee.

I learned in a Covey conference years ago, that the first thing I need to do when I come into work is plan. Look over the projects, opportunities, and prioritize them. Break them down into manageable steps and then put the steps on a priority list. The list becomes the object of war for the day. Stick to the list, and knock the list down and I won the war for the day. If I ADD the day away, the list doesn't get touched -- but it's a very beautiful, spontaneous and occasionally a very productive day.

On one hand I'm filled with energy today and making the list and killing it one by one will work today. But, I'm also in this place of fog and wonder. I just got back from 5 days of travel with my oldest son. We left last week and traveled to the midwest to attend my nieces wedding. The wedding was awesome. The reconnecting with family was deep, and the conversations were rich.

My oldest son is now 17 and in grade 12, or three years ago we would have said he is a senior in high school. That means life awaits him. Together we were part of recruiting day at a college in the same town the wedding was held. So taking my son to the wedding was one thing, the college visit was the other. Listening to him talk about his interests, passions and academic goals was wonder filled. It just seemed like last year that I was in college in his shoes. Starting out, stretching my arms, and asking tons of questions about life and the future. Now he is there. He is forging the way not only for his own life, but as the eldest, his own siblings. It's quite vertigo for me to be in this place now. A year from now he may be out of the house, then another year and another may be gone. Being in the journey is rewarding, but dropping passengers off in the corners is hard.

I'm now going to turn my attention to the list war, and it's a great war to battle in don't get me wrong - but something in me wants to soak it in some more, gather my thoughts, listen to my heart, and pray. I'm there and not there. Okay, first things first, but there is much else going on.

Summer

Summer is here. Yes! This is my favorite season. Here are some things the VK's and I are up to.

• Preparing for a missions trip to the Baja of Mexico. 23 of us from Heartland are traveling to an impoverished area of Mexico. We'll be ministering within a farm work camp by doing VBS, building a house (or two depending on our fundraising) for a family and feeding the camp a meal.
  
• Yard project. I've from Terrace, so I thought I'd make a terrace on my sloped back yard. Lots of work. I've moved around about 50 yards of material with a shovel and wheelbarrow.
  
• Don't have an iPhone yet (doubt if I ever will).
  
• Patti and the kids are coming back from camping today. Hopefully the mosquitoes were not too bad.
• The weather is hot, last night when I couldn't sleep at 1:00am, the house was 89 degrees.
  
• Purchased a spinner exercise bike to work out on. Trying to get my old legs ready for the upcoming rec. hockey season. I'm going to start in August since I'm taking a two month break from hockey. Some injuries are healing nicely now.
  
• July 25th is our 20th wedding anniversary. Wow!
• I'm taking some time off in August (August is my favorite month of the year!)
  
• Wishing I had a surfing trip planned, sigh.
  
• Working through the book of Ecclesiastes. For many of us it is a back burner book, yet many have expressed how relevant the book has been for them during this series.
• Lots of friends/people in Heartland are going through hard times. Their hardships are constantly on my mind. I try to shift the concern to prayer. But I'm not always successful.
• I married a couple on the beach of Kilby last weekend.
  
• I'm looking forward to the Bruins training camp -- to get back in the swing of chaplaincy. I officially don't like the off season.
• I'm having lunch with James today, our new council president. It's going to be a great year of ministry at Heartland!